Tuesday, 10 December 2013

NSA trawling Second Life

Yes, it seems to be true. It was all over the interwebs yesterday, so it must be true. The NSA.. the analysts.. the PhDs.. the people who sort of just drifted into a government job and had the sense to cling on to their chars.. They are in Second Life.

Your secrets are no longer safe. They know that you stole those dances. They know that you have no order whatsoever in your inventory, and that the reason why you go silent for long periods is because you are trying to find that nice hair you bought before christmas 2009. They know that you are NOT engaged in steamy IMs with neko girls and lycans with golden wings. They know that you are just standing there, trying to come up with something funny to say.

So who are they... these agents of secrecy? Do they walk among us? That time when you heard a camera click... was it them? How can you tell? They are PhDs, trained to blend in... to become one of us. Observing... Writing you up.

To spot the NSA, look for the following:
  1. They are highly educated and trained. We know that your first impulse is to wear a false mustache and a trenchcoat. The NSA will not do that, so look for anyone not wearing spy-gear.
  2. They will wear something similar so they will recognize each other. (NSA spying on NSA is simply bad for the budget. Despite what you might have heard, they will not print their own money. Not even the NSA can fuck with the IRS). Look for people with no AO, phat ass appliers or whip marks on their chests. 
  3. Do you have any friends that are overly interested in you? Keep in mind that most of your time, you are just standing there, trying to think of anything to say. You aren't really that interesting. Do you have any friends that always IMs you, asking how you feel and what you are doing? Congratulations... you just found the NSA
If you think you are being watched, here is what you can do:
  1. Disorganise your inventory. Put the hair in the "jeans" folder and your bdsm gear in the "dances I stole" folder. This will slow them down.
  2. Do not just stand there. If you have nothing to say, paste in random lines from the news or from a book you like. It will also make you more interesting to other people.
  3. Start asking others a lot of questions. Eventually, you will hit another NSA analyst, and they will automatically assume you are NSA, and remove you from the watch list
  4. Wear everything you can think of, all at once, to signal to fellow analysts that you are one of them.
Good luck!

1 comment:

  1. Eep! What about all of those people in snowboarding groups in SL. Snowboarding is just waterboarding but colder.